missing you

it's hard to compose words that would precisely reflect what i'm feeling right now...i feel this is the most turbulent episode of my life...i never been so crushed in my entire life....to the extent that even my self-worth i don't even know where it had gone to... Many times i have prayed that she would change...i thought that my love for her is enough to make everything better...but in the end it turned out i was wrong all along...many times i closed my eyes & shut my ears...the very thing that is on my mind was she had loved me so much then...she would remember how important i am in her life so she will nevr do it again...everytime she does that for one reason to another...i kept on telling myself..."she will change...for me she will change...she loves me right ann?"...i don't know if i am confirming that to myself or that i'm shutting out the reality... everytime she betrayed me ...i felt the pain...i cried...but i still don't wantt her to go...but then i don't want to cry anymore...i don't know what to believe anymore..how many times does she had done that...and how many times has she stated reasons from one thing to another...but yet still i did forgive...not that i am stupid...i was hoping against hope that she would try to change...she would try to better her self...i was hoping that she would aspire to be good because of the love i have shown to her...i'm tired, not of waiting...i'm tired because i can't supress the pain anymore...y can't i give up?...because I BELIEVE IN US...BECAUSE I BELIEVE WE WILL BE HAPPY TOGETHER...but some things do change, they say...i ried to be the most perfect person for her...so she will feel that it was all worth it...i was hoping it would compensate the emptied treatment towards her...i defied every person that said i should stop holding on...i defied them... I WANT TO BE FREE...metaphorically...yes!i want freedom..if i could break these cured chains...but evrytime i will utter the word goodbye...i tend to be scared because the moment i'll say it...i know i'll regret it for the rest of my life....how could you say if ther's some thing to hold on anymore...i just wish someone will tell me what to do...i just wish some would embrace me from all of these...