enormously_incapacitated

i want to fit into the cave of your chest with mine... and breathe this intoxicating fever i have for you
down your neck, below your right ear.
i want to slowly touch the very ends of your hair and push the tuft across your face without touching your skin.
the most beautiful and painful thing about you ... is that i can not touch you.


i wanted to tell you that i saw forever in your eyes, in french...(i know my french)
like an old 40s movie
leaving me at the train station
i would mutter, in the rain
"je voir
toujours
dans le tien
mirettes "
when they glimmered off of the computer screen.
like warm chestnuts stuck behind glass, i imagined looking at them straight on.
you are distant. so near yet so far..so almost close..

i thought about you, thoroughly, for a few hours yesterday. i bit my lip, hard, in disgust with myself. i feel creepy because of my obsession.
i thought up a new game for myself the other day so that i could keep my cool when i am around you. . . to think back to this old twisted weeping willow tree game.

i would just imagine myself sitting underneath it, calm, in the long grass and pebbles. my knees a little dirty and my feet bare.
this thought calms me more than anything else in the world.
until a flash of memory came..darn it!those eyes again. i lost it.

i thought "willow tree, willow tree, bare feet, long grass... YOU... no no no willow tree... he has beautiful eyes"
i obviously need a new game.

i feel warm blood in my heart pumping harder than ever.


i am absolutely consumed. . . and i feel like an idiot.
fortunately you will never know how i feel.