Drowning the Cold

Set me free...leave me be...

There are things that you don't move on to...my "things" are you.
It is not the relationship that we used to have that I can't move on for; it is the aftermath when you have left me in the cold.

The cold still lingers, I still can feel the icy air creeps along the column of my spine. When my fragile strength dissipates, my hands gets clammy and shaky; my throat dries up and I heave my own breath.

It was the cold; trying to pull me back on its gravity. Set me free...leave me be...

I have been surviving and living at my most as much as I can. I opened my eyes and have seen sunshine countless of times. No doubt it I have lived my life the way I always wanted it.  I just wish the cold would stop coming, it always knocks me out when I am defenceless. It's keeping my heart the way it is now.

So that's the only thing I couldn't move on from.

I am learning to accept that cold is a part of who I am. In my steep breaths, I may struggle but I know I  never stopped breathing. When I am knocked down, I still hold my stance and resort to fighting position.

So the cold is my biological reminder to NEVER say "I can't do this anymore."

Playlist: Gravity by Sara Bareilles

My Turning Page

My first blog for the year 2013!!!yey! Good things to come indeed..I took the long hiatus in writing here. It was a tough time in my life and I felt that I don't have the energy to talk about my life here (talk about thoughts to ponder!o_0.

Since my Tagaytay experience last year, I have resigned from my boring job and tried my luck overseas. For me it was the right time to move to my great adventure. Being on the long hiatus helped me a lot to face my demons and harness my inner strength that I thought was destroyed. I know I have not achieve its peak but I know deep in my heart I am ON MY WAY!!-this time its my WAY and I know with God's guidance it's right.So I am happily waiting for my life to unfold.



Also, in addition for my first blog this year, this entry was also dedicated for our beloved dog- Tatay Ugok. He died at 12 noon today, his age was past 12 years old. I am currently making a memorial artwork for him so wait for my further posts. He was our dog since I was 17 yrs old. He was smart, robust, curious and full of life; fiercely loyal, compassionate and affectionate not only to us but to our entire neighbourhood of men and dogs. I will miss cuddling him and giving doggy back and forehead rubs.It was a great loss, I have to postpone my manuscript (yes!I have started my first novel with 3 chapters already) to give way in writing a short story for him. He was amongst the stars that will imprint in my body someday-my 3 lucky stars. I hope no more dying dogs.:(

I have learned the value of back rubs and nose kisses through my dog. No doubt about it, I have receive fierce loyalty and lots of breathy and tongue splashing kisses in exchange and in those moments my hearts is full an bursting. - Ann

DEAREST SOULMATE

Dearest soulmate,

It is silly to write to someone I don't know- literally, I still don't know you. Maybe we may have seen each other or passed each others lives or maybe I don't have the oppurtunity to know you yet. I have searched for you for several times but to no avail was not yet found. Somewhere in my life I have lost hope and settled for less than I deserve for the thought I was losing time. I am sorry my dearest, I was weak and in my time of my weakness the consequence was myself being destroyed. I am not saying these to blame you of my actions but I want you to understand where I have been.

I hope deep in my heart that you would recognise me despite my defensive walls- I hope that your heart would recognise my heart beating wildly and barely hanging for you. I hope you will not give up easily on me. I am sorry for the decision I might made to keep my heart protected and keep my soul safe but please I beg you to fight for me. I know I have much love to give and this vast space of emptiness will only be filled by you. So please fight for me..fill it, I would like to be full and bursting- only you have the capacity to do that.

I am also aware that in your life you may have been hurt somehow or have been feeling empty just like me. My heart bleeds that someone may have hurt you or you have been feeling empty all this time. I am sorry for taking shortcuts and detours; for making you wait. I am sorry for not coming right away to be there for you but I want you to know I have my entire lifetime to make up for it. I will make up for it in everyday and in every breath and in every being of my soul.

In every choices I make today, please know that I am making and paving my way to come to you. I am making all the possible lines to come and touch your hand and kiss your sorrows away..know that I have been envisioning how you would look like and feel like beside me...more steps honey.. liitle more and we will see and feel each other. Please wait...please fight for me and please stay with me. I know it will be all worth it. I am loving you more and more unfathomably each day. I have been living for you..see you very soon.

Loving you deeply,

ann

                                 Playlist: Turning Pages by Sleeping At Last