harry potter fever na!

umandar na nmn ang isip bata..hihi!..sbrang tuwang tuwa me sa harry potter fever...naalala ko ung unang basa ko ng pilosopher's stone..it was almost 2 yrs before release ung movie version nya..haha!ang ksama k ngbbasa sa powerbooks eh mga 8yrs old na ang bnbasa series of unfortunate events..sbi k sana mging movie sya..when they released the movie version nlabas na yung second installment ng book..haha!advnce screening tlga ang lola..haha!kakatuwa kse eh..kaya nung nkita ko harry potpot fever na..feeling bata na nmn este isip bata na nmn, haha!super addict kse eh..d na mkatulog huli na yan..kalungkot nmn katulad din nung pnanuod nmn ung last ng LOTR haha!talgang pagod maghntay sa pila at matagal ang movie dhil ang drama ni frodo!sana nga lang d gnun si potter..haha!

trivia galing sa addict sa HP:

dont u know that dumbledore died at age 115 and he is gay..read the the half blood prince..mkikita nyo dun he is secretly in love with griwendal(i dnt know if right ung spelling)

sa book hermione is not as beautifully she is supposed to have a buck teeth, nd harry has green eyes excted na ako sa plot nila snape nd harry and voldermort:)hay pwamise 3D tlga..sana kasya sa budget k:(hihi!

Nrrmdaman k na ang harry potter fever!lol!para na nmn me bata tlga..ang babaw ng kaligayahan.nkita k ung snitch!

Dearest you

standing outside of the box made me see it on a diff perspective:

i have lost friends bec of this,

seen my weakness nd emphasized my strength..

no matter what are the troubles, miay it be small or big, it doesnt matter anymore..just let it go:)

for the record i have forgiven you, you dont need to apologize, i dont need explanations..you dont owe me anything:)

being with you was one of the most happiest moments of my life, that even @ my darkest hours makes me hope that someday I will have more moments like that.

I expect you to be happy from all of these, I just wish one day with you..if God would be listening,just one day..just you & I.We have to bring down the whole foundation of who we were in order to find our new us.I just wish in that time you are with me @ my side..

Even you dont say anything at all, I do understand you and even a lot of people were throwing a lot opinions at the end of the story nobody knows u more than I do..That everybody was putting me into different directions, what to think or say but I wouldnt allow myself to be bec I know what makes me happy.

I am  sending you happy thoughts everyday..that in light of things you will see that evrything was ok.That its ok not to be ok, that its ok that we feel confused and overwhelmed..that we feel unloved and abandoned..and that we feel that sense of loss..that there are times we cant explain what we want, what we feel and why we do the things we do..Even I cant explain why do I feel the same way as I do despite & inspite of.I still love you..it doesnt makes me sad when i think of that..it makes me happy that I still feel the same way bec I know I loved you with all my heart, I was willing to let go not bec of ego but bec I understand..I am not afraid of what will tomorrow bring anymore..come what may:)

The distance was a great struggle for both of us bec I was more afraid that the distance would make us grow apart..eversince you went away you have changed..it was like seeing a different side of you, so I have changed bec I have to adapt with that..when you kissed me goodbye at the airport, i promised to myself I will be strong for the both of us, I didn't shed a tear when u went away, just like when you said you let me go, i didnt shed even one tear..because I promised I will be strong for the both of us.

I did not live a miserable life with you that is one thing I have to disagree with what u have said, I did not..I am fully aware of the consequences of my choices when I choose you..mhrap pigilan magmhal lalo na kung ang mamahalin ay ikaw..You dont have to stand in the shadow of your past anymore, you were never bad at me..I have not been bad @ you as well.I want u to be proud of yourself our relationship before was loved & envied by many..keep ur chin up by..there was nothing to be ashamed of..do not listen to what other people say, follow what your heart is telling you..dont let your mind cloud it..

Do what I do, when you feel sad & lonely just close your eyes, take a picture of the most happiest moment of your life..in 5 yrs time envision the person you want to be and the people you want to be with and say it outloud..those things will exactly happen..believe me.

I am saying these things because I will not allow myself to talk about the past when we meet again..sigurado ako mgkikita tayo 2..i now we will..I am saying goodbye to the old us also..to all the plans and hopes and will begin in making new ones.I am happy I was never miserable, I was always in content with you..always..if in case we meet again or in case you talked to me, lam ko you will in time..let go of the old baggage..i will give you the floor to explain if you want to, I am  just going to listen.Do not always be in despair..kilala kita masyado ka emo, na para ikaw ang pnka aping tao sa mundo..hihihihii!ok lang yun sasamahan nmn kitang maging api sbay tau mag audition sa ABS CBN:)Lagi ka na lang hurting kapag nkasakay ka, lagi na lang un ang pattern sa buhay m , khit ako nakikita ko at napapansin k un.A part of you let me go not bec of fear I will get hurt but bec of fear you will get hurt na baka along the way di kita maintndhan nd along the way i cant accept who you are as a person.

God was wise..we met when we were both hurting..nkilala natin ang isat isa how we mend our hearts..God gave us 10yrs apart to grow..matuto nd have our own roots..then he allowed us to seperate again for us to find ourselves, to know how it is love..to know that the language of love was not the words...it was not the I love you's..it was SACRFIFICE..God is wiser than us..trust in him because I do.God will bring out the best in both of us..the worst in both of us..but be patient bec He will set the right time..He knows best..he is preparing us both for something bigger than this...

forgive me for all my setbacks..I am sincerely apologizing for that..and...

As I always say..you have all the things you need its a high time you fight.:)

love,

by

God's Scolding Moment

These past few weeks, i stomped my feet when I didnt have my way instead of humbly kneel in front of God..I whined and cried as loud as I can & asked "why again?"...I accused him for being mean nd insensitive that he doesn't have pity on me coz ,I've gone through so much..of all people "why me again?"I was angry and throwed rants at him "why me?why this?what do u want more out of me?" it was so draining that nothing was left inside of me anymore..then he quietly said "are you finished now?sit down with me and take a rest, be patient and you will see how I beautifully prepare your life... just like what u do with your paintings..u always start fr sketch nd never hold down your ideas..haven't you seen my work? though it is blurry but the pieces are together, it will be a masterpiece soon..u can now start to paint the way you want it ,on the time you want it with the people you like to part with..but for now lets sit down nd let see.."He extended his arms so many times for me to see I refused to do so coz I cant accept his new perspective but when he patiently sat down and listen to my rumbles and as I got tired of stomping my feet, i looked at his way..then everything went blank..i felt nothing anymore, no resentment, no pride, no anger, no hurt, no doubts and no fears..he have always wanted me to take a leap with his ideas, even from the start he have always wanted me to relieve whats inside my head thats been kicking me in the curb and inside my heart where I kept locking in the inside..when I start to see his way, everything looked different..every burden I have vanished just like that..it was as if there was nothing to begin with..i began to understand why?how?and what?I smiled and he said"so stop whining, I have given you so much and I know you can give so much as well..use it...do not be afraid for I am always here..just sit there, be silent and let me do the work, for the time will come you have to do yours..I know you can give so much more..I have prepared him for you as much as I have prepared you for him"..:)

the day he broke me

he broke me...

he did that by not talking for 4 days straight then a single  message in Facebook ...

he broke me and he broke us...

i can't explain anything, it felt like someone pull that trigger in my head..

i was yearning to clutch to any thing...my soul was looking for something to reach out to..

i had my phone in my hand which  both bought in Robinson's Manila..i called his mom..

i didn't know why of all persons she is the one i have to call  but my impulse was "call her"...

the phone was ringing and when she answered on the other line, all i can say was "--- nakipag--hiwalay-- po siya-- saken--" i don't know how i uttered those words, but my breath was shallow i have to take it down to syllables..then she asked me "bakit naman?"--my dreaded word "why?"   because in reality i don't know WHY?

this is my life..

i fell in love one time..

i got engaged..

we prepared the wedding...

he left for us but he promised to come back for us..

i trusted him even my heart say don't allow him to leave..

he was there and i was here...

we tried to make it work..

3 months later he called it off the wedding and he broke up with me..

then it was all broken...

of reasons i dont understand..of reason he refused to say..maybe he said it but i don't quite get it...maybe tomorrow i can digest his words..maybe weeks later he can think about it...you know my response to him "immediate shock, asking him whats wrong maybe we can fix it then i gave him the space that he needs..that was it..

does it make me a less of a person if i dont beat the crap out of him..if i stay still and be quiet..maybe we both need time..maybe THIS WAS NOT OUR TIME..

sagot ko

Minsan di sapat na mahal mo ang isang tao,at alam mo na mahalaga ka para sa ka niya, kc bago ang lahat…. dapat alam mo ang pinagkaiba ng MAHAL sa MAHALAGA LANG..

minsan iniisip ko ano ba importante ung mahalaga sau o yung mahal m..panu mo masabi na mahal m kung di mahalaga sau..panu mo masbi na mahalaga siya sau kung hindi mo siya mahal..

Nkakaasar noh?kahit ilang beses ka pa mag tumbling..wala ka magawa ..aun at the end of evrything nadadamay ka pa din..minsan gusto ko na magsalita “bakit nakuha mo ako saktan at iwan? bkit nung iwan m ko hnyaan mo na masaktan ulit ako?”

sama..madalas magtatanung ka sa sarili m..”may nagawa ba ko para gawin nya to”..kpag sinagot nya “aku ang may mali di ikaw” ganun ba? kung kaw ang mali, bakit ako naman ang umiiyak, d ba mali mo to?

gusto mo magalit..yung sumigaw na napakalakas hanggang makawala ka pagkakatali na ginawa niya..kaso kapag siya na nagsalita, di mo na makuha magalit pa bagkus mas naiintindihan mo pa siya..at sa lahat ng hirap mo ang tanging maririnig mo sa kanya “salamat ha”..para sau ok ka na dun, buo na ang araw m..kaya mo na harapin ulit ang bukas..

Kapag may kelangan siya, andyan ka lagi nka-suporta, di ka nagsasawa sa mga hang ups nya..sa mga kakulangan niya..pero kapag ikaw nmn ang may kelangan sa kanya..isang beses lang… ang isasagot niya “di pwede, andito siya”…

san ka pa lulugar..eh di sa wala..sarili mo na lang ang kelangan m..maging masya ka na lang para sa sarili mo..kung san ka nadapa dun ka bumangon..pero may mga panahon na naging matagumpay ka sa isang bagay..gusto mo umikot sa tuwa..ililingon ang paningin mo at hahanapin ang mga mata niya at gusto mo hawakan ang mga kamay niya..pero nung nakita mo na, nakatingin na pala siya sa iba at hawak ng mahigpit ang kamay nia..

iiyak ka..oo nman, masakit eh..ganun talaga..luluha ka ng balde balde..pero sa bawat gabi na umiiyak ka, andun siya masaya sa piling ng iba, kayakap ang iba pero ikaw eto umiiyak ng nag iisa..

sa bawat hikbi mo, sinsambit mo “ok lang kaya ko to, basta importante masaya siya”….pano mo nakukuha ngumiti habang nasasaktan at umiiyak ka sa luob..paano mo nakukuha maging masaya para sa kaligayahan ng taong lubusang nakasakit sau..eh mahal mo siya, ano pa ba?

pero kahit ilang beses mo sambitin ang “mahal kita”..di ka niya papakinggan pa..kahit ilang beses ka na nandyan sa tabi niya di ka niya kelangan pa..sakit noh..pero ganun talaga mahal mo..if love is a decision why should one choose such an exquisite pain?…

tama na sau, amot ng oras..tama na naalala ka niya..kuntento ka na sa mga bagay na di niya naibibigay..di ka na humingi..nanahimik ka na lang..di ka na lang nag reklamo..khit may karapatan ka pa magsalita, nasaktan ka eh?..nanahimik ka na lang sa isang tabi, habang nakikita mo ang taong pinakamamahalmo mas pinili na magmahal ng iba..

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?


If I should die before I wake
It's cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air


I'm here alone didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move it's incomplete
If there was a way that I could make you understand


But how do you expect me to live alone with just me? cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe


Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gon breathe without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air



I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
With no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
I don't how but I don't even care


So how do you expect me to live alone with just me? Cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe


Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air..no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gone breathe without me?
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
It's no air...no air

If the person doesn't really wanna be there for you...jus be there in his little time..he will not do that..I felt like i'm ticking off...so hard..no space to breathe..I don't really where it comes from..i miss him so much...felt like i was hanging alone all this time..hard but true..nd it's breaking me to pieces..it really does...felt like I was LOSING HIM without a fight..darn..impeccable things..darn with greedy time..y can't LOVE be good to me at least ONCE?!

do u

Do you know…? Do you know, What it feels like, Having tears running down your face, With no end, And you don’t know what to do? Do you know, What it feels like, Being completely helpless, Alone, With nobody to turn to? And do you know, What it feels like, Feeling hopeless, Unable to help in making the situation better, While drowning in your sorrow? Answer me these question, three little ones, To you they may mean nothing, but for me they are the world. For now in this here moment, I feel like I am drowning, drowning in my world of sorrow and feeling hopeless.

wow..feeling so damn bad..i'm not all that chipper all the time..cold..so ridiculously cold..i'm not the only dreamer in this word..so why be hard on us..life why should you be so hard for us?