Confession of the 20ish something:)

"Why are you still single?"...that's a 50 kgs. vintage question that was always bombed at my face. Why vintage? It was an ongoing question ever since I reached the age of 27; the main  reason why I never resorted to buy an iPod but instead stayed faithful with my Sony Walkman mp3(which is in pink:0 and I am absolutely crazy about up until to this date!) was it has an audio recorder,  which can record the multitude events this questions dropped unto me  from somebody's heavenly mouth.

Much to my dismay, my road to UNsinglehood was not in easy track and I do admit I am bit confused if I should feel bad when asked by those questions.

Even the fish vendor at our village queued " Sa ganda mo na yan, wala ka pa din asawa?!"  Do not fret,  you are not the only one who was surprised, in some quiet times I do ask the same question. :)

I felt somewhat annoyed when SOME uses the physical appearance to correlate intimacy in relationships.If you are pretty, you are obliged to have a partner; people questions you and WORST people would say "siguro maganda lang sya..". I don't know why physical appearance would correlate wether you should have or not a SOMEONE in your life. I find it cruel because in a way, they  meant to say was  that the  NOT-SO BEAUTIFUL can't have a boyfriend or a husband (wala ba karapatan ang di gaano kagandahan na mgkaroon ng lovelife?!)C'mon!I have seen beautiful, confident women who are single but yet they felt they are not lacking on anything!

My dear cousin would always say"..lahat na nasa iyo, boyfriend na lang ang KULANG!".It was as if  my completeness depends on somebody else?I love being alone and doing my alone times like travelling or going to movies. In most of these times,  it felt like it was the most rejuvenating moments of my life..it was something personal that when someone tries to to intervene or ride along; I felt a strong DEPRIVATION of self. How can I be the happy version of me towards you  if I am not happy being alone? 

"Why single ka pa din sa FACEBOOK?" Since the social networking has been a craze, the relationship status of all people (including me:) went havoc.There have been utmost curiosity towards social statuses but never in depth of emotional attachment. 

I have survived the rummage of these questions..  at one point with a quirky smile =) or intellectual analysis of my past mistakes or passive-avoidance on circumstances that might have a sequel or loud sigh with a thought "ewan k nga bakit..."

But I will be honest to you today, " Why am I SINGLE?"....because it was my constant choice. As plainly I can put this: I CHOSE TO BE SINGLE. 

In the matter of why am I choosing to be single, that my dear, I have a lot to say..

I wasn't bad with men, in most times I find myself in situations men get attracted without me being aware of it. I am slow witted in that circumstances.Men loves to give compliments in gifts or words but I prefer what not my ears could hear or my eyes could see. I don't like easy men who get carried away with their emotions. I appreciate the words and the thoughts but I prefer the courtesies that go with these.

Reminder BOYS: Women are not an easy catch!  DO NOT do something that will connote you as EASY, you are not created for that. God sacrificed his only son, Jesus, for you..because you are worth it! Jesus walked carrying that heavy cross because you are worth sacrificing for..not only the HARDWORK but SACRIFICE! I will quote Leo Buscaglia for this, " Sacrifice is ultimate language of LOVE".

Going back =), my point was I never lack admirers and it would be easy to have a boyfriend in my circle if I choose to but yet I choose to be Single. Some may ask : Am I being too selective? NO. I know I am not a perfect person and I am  not looking for a perfect man. It's just that despite of those available men, I just haven't found the guy who would make me fall in love and the one that fits right into who I am as a person. 

So if in case men gets intimated with this, "That guy won't be." I’m waiting on a guy who is deeply in love with Jesus. A real man, a man who knows His God and who follows him to the ends of the Earth. A man willing to “swim against the tide”, as Elisabeth Eliot puts it.

" I’m waiting on a guy who shares the same passions with me, who is as adventurous as I am, crazy, spontaneous, humorous and compassionate and has a heart for missions. "

Sometimes, it’s hard not to play the pity game when people keep telling me that I’m this and that. If I’m what they say I am, then why am I single and why won’t men pursue me? It can be disheartening to know that people have certain expectations of you and yet you’ve just never lived up to it. But when I consider the past mistakes I’ve done in my life with regard to relationships, and when I realize how I was redeemed from those mistakes, I have a strong sense of being in the RIGHT.

I am still waiting..I am near 29 and I have seen wide eyed people who criticise "malapit ka na mawala s kalendaryo!" . To whose calendar should I follow? yours or mine? I have learned the painful strife of following my own calendar and you can never expect me to follow yours ( I am much too bull headed to live in other people's standards.)

I would rather wait on God's timeline and his perfect timing and for that man that he blessed for me. I would rather wait actively than decide to have a boyfriend now just because of pressure or I felt like I am missing out on something. The last thing I need is another mediocre guy because I am not mediocre. And when I get into a relationship, this time I want it to be my LAST.Heartbreaks are such a waste of passion, time, energy. Who wants that? I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t like dating around and testing the waters. I would quote Psalm 37:4 " Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. " He will provide what I need:)

To cut it short:), I am a beautiful, extraordinary woman who is waiting on her handsome, godly and extraordinary man. I haven't met him and he hasn't met me, so that is why I am SINGLE:) But I can't wait  to change that Facebook status!

Kicked nellie's ASS today!

courtesy of Molly by Stratejoy

I have read her manifesto today thereby, I was so inspired by her words.It makes me want to follow and pump myself more for my dreams. So I will be laying my plan for today, I will not have timeline but I will build goals for each month.

I am very much hopeful in achieving my goals for every month and very much excited in becoming the GUTSY woman that I wanted to be.

But I will follow her suggestions because I think it is logical. The first step CONNECT WITH SELF.

She pointed out questions that I should answer, but I would like to check my answers after a mos if it changes for me or there are other things that I want to change or add for myself.

If I absolutely strip myself, free from things that define me as a person..remove my title as a nurse, remove my profession, my friends and families Who am I?

I felt like all my life I was expected to do alot of things, be a lot for all the people around me but I never sorted myself: WHO AM I?

For a moment this is what I know:

I am a strong resilient woman, my power lies on the way I think, I am cautious to what I should think and therefore cautious as what to say.

I am a very opinionated person, I never run dry from words. I always have the opportunity to say at the right way I know how and if that opportunity doesn't come: I make the opportunity.

I may seem meek at the outside but I never run from my battles though I hate battles and disharmony.

But I would like to connect to myself even more....before my goal was to be over what happened and get myself back..but now my goal is :MOVE FORWARD AND CELEBRATE LIFE THAT IS GIVEN TO ME.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO OFFER?

I have been thinking about this: my unconditonal support, my loving care, my high spirt that uplifts other people, my attitude of never say no to opportunities, my love for simple things and adornment in grand things. My infallible understanding & when I say something I stand for it.

WHAT MAKES ME EXTRAORDINARY?

hmmmm..just being myself, that alone makes me extraordinary!!!!I know I have some quirks and whims!I am not a prefect person. I get angry, irritable and speak foul words when I felt like it. I did lied, cheated and done wrong to those people that I love the most. But at the same time I still feel and know I am extraordinary.

WHAT REPELS ME?WHAT ATTRACTS ME?

I dislike people who pushes away people, who are bullies and selfish. I dislike people who are dishonest and tries to sugar coat realities. I hate people who make promises but never fulfills it as much as I hate people to says they are sorry but they never understood what they were sorry about.

WHAT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE?

Painting makes me alive!!Doing something new and extraordinary, being in a different place and travelling to unknown territory brings tingles in my spine.

"I am more than enough!" that will be my mantra when I feel down just like today and the other night.. I will repeat "I m more than enough!"...I have completely let go now. I have made efforts to comfort him but i am making efforts to comfort and take care of myself. That's kicking Nellie's ASS!

That's celebration of LIFE!

Pump out my JUICE:

Things I learned today NEVER let anyone allow to kicked me out easily nor push me aside like I am dispensable because in reality: PUSH ME ASIDE WHATEVER YOU LIKE BUT YOU WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME AGAIN.

NEVER comfort someone who doesn't deserve to be. Always comfort and take care of your being and do things for yourself rather than thinking other people.Its about time to FIGHT BACK FOR ME!