Drowning the Cold

Set me free...leave me be...

There are things that you don't move on to...my "things" are you.
It is not the relationship that we used to have that I can't move on for; it is the aftermath when you have left me in the cold.

The cold still lingers, I still can feel the icy air creeps along the column of my spine. When my fragile strength dissipates, my hands gets clammy and shaky; my throat dries up and I heave my own breath.

It was the cold; trying to pull me back on its gravity. Set me free...leave me be...

I have been surviving and living at my most as much as I can. I opened my eyes and have seen sunshine countless of times. No doubt it I have lived my life the way I always wanted it.  I just wish the cold would stop coming, it always knocks me out when I am defenceless. It's keeping my heart the way it is now.

So that's the only thing I couldn't move on from.

I am learning to accept that cold is a part of who I am. In my steep breaths, I may struggle but I know I  never stopped breathing. When I am knocked down, I still hold my stance and resort to fighting position.

So the cold is my biological reminder to NEVER say "I can't do this anymore."

Playlist: Gravity by Sara Bareilles

My Turning Page

My first blog for the year 2013!!!yey! Good things to come indeed..I took the long hiatus in writing here. It was a tough time in my life and I felt that I don't have the energy to talk about my life here (talk about thoughts to ponder!o_0.

Since my Tagaytay experience last year, I have resigned from my boring job and tried my luck overseas. For me it was the right time to move to my great adventure. Being on the long hiatus helped me a lot to face my demons and harness my inner strength that I thought was destroyed. I know I have not achieve its peak but I know deep in my heart I am ON MY WAY!!-this time its my WAY and I know with God's guidance it's right.So I am happily waiting for my life to unfold.



Also, in addition for my first blog this year, this entry was also dedicated for our beloved dog- Tatay Ugok. He died at 12 noon today, his age was past 12 years old. I am currently making a memorial artwork for him so wait for my further posts. He was our dog since I was 17 yrs old. He was smart, robust, curious and full of life; fiercely loyal, compassionate and affectionate not only to us but to our entire neighbourhood of men and dogs. I will miss cuddling him and giving doggy back and forehead rubs.It was a great loss, I have to postpone my manuscript (yes!I have started my first novel with 3 chapters already) to give way in writing a short story for him. He was amongst the stars that will imprint in my body someday-my 3 lucky stars. I hope no more dying dogs.:(

I have learned the value of back rubs and nose kisses through my dog. No doubt about it, I have receive fierce loyalty and lots of breathy and tongue splashing kisses in exchange and in those moments my hearts is full an bursting. - Ann

DEAREST SOULMATE

Dearest soulmate,

It is silly to write to someone I don't know- literally, I still don't know you. Maybe we may have seen each other or passed each others lives or maybe I don't have the oppurtunity to know you yet. I have searched for you for several times but to no avail was not yet found. Somewhere in my life I have lost hope and settled for less than I deserve for the thought I was losing time. I am sorry my dearest, I was weak and in my time of my weakness the consequence was myself being destroyed. I am not saying these to blame you of my actions but I want you to understand where I have been.

I hope deep in my heart that you would recognise me despite my defensive walls- I hope that your heart would recognise my heart beating wildly and barely hanging for you. I hope you will not give up easily on me. I am sorry for the decision I might made to keep my heart protected and keep my soul safe but please I beg you to fight for me. I know I have much love to give and this vast space of emptiness will only be filled by you. So please fight for me..fill it, I would like to be full and bursting- only you have the capacity to do that.

I am also aware that in your life you may have been hurt somehow or have been feeling empty just like me. My heart bleeds that someone may have hurt you or you have been feeling empty all this time. I am sorry for taking shortcuts and detours; for making you wait. I am sorry for not coming right away to be there for you but I want you to know I have my entire lifetime to make up for it. I will make up for it in everyday and in every breath and in every being of my soul.

In every choices I make today, please know that I am making and paving my way to come to you. I am making all the possible lines to come and touch your hand and kiss your sorrows away..know that I have been envisioning how you would look like and feel like beside me...more steps honey.. liitle more and we will see and feel each other. Please wait...please fight for me and please stay with me. I know it will be all worth it. I am loving you more and more unfathomably each day. I have been living for you..see you very soon.

Loving you deeply,

ann

                                 Playlist: Turning Pages by Sleeping At Last

not waiting for my Supernova..nuh-uh!..

Are you ready for FIERCE LOVE?



Life on your own terms demands a lot from you.It's a spoonful of acceptance & gallons of courage. It's about finding your place & doing it your way.Remember dearest that DOING MORE or BIGGER requires FIERCE LOVE.

Are you ready then? To practice positivity &  focus on strength so you could step into your personal power. Stop the comparisons and ditch the DOUBTS NOW! Speak up and do your things at YOUR way! Let the light come up into your life and be catatonic to haters!lol! Give weight to your integrity and do not forget to make room towards other's amazingness!

I am not going to wait for my SUPERNOVA but I am going to shine on my own!







I was totally inspired to Molly Mahar's Fierce Love course!I always say to myself LOVEWINS even when I do yoga. It's such an amazing feeling after but when I started to add that fierce lovin' unto myself- my LIFE just keeps getting better. I didn't enrolled in her course but I  understand that she was inspiring thousands of women out there, it was totally AMAZEBALLS!

Outdoor Hikes!ready?set....go!!!!

I posted last Feb, how much I have missed the outdoor. Well, I had a handful events last summer and I can't seem to find time for the outdoor. I pretty much focused on the seas, sunsets and sunrises.

Then came another circumstances to another then something in me just realised "Hey, the closest thing for your recent outdoor hike was a breakfast overlooking Taal Volcano. Why wait another month or year?How about doing it now?"









So, I researched the web and here is my top two list before this year ends:

The 100 ft drop rapelling in Buruwingan Falls in Sinloan, Laguna.

The Mt. Tarak of Marivelas Bataan (need to look for the camping gear:) and camping buddies.this would be long trip and it'll be fun to share it with others too!

Mt. Talamitam.. just look at the vast fields!So lovely!!










So get ready for the action gear and my yoga mat!The !st and 3rd one I could definitely visit in just a day!!!!So excited!

“I look up to the mountains: does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

Confession of the 20ish something:)

"Why are you still single?"...that's a 50 kgs. vintage question that was always bombed at my face. Why vintage? It was an ongoing question ever since I reached the age of 27; the main  reason why I never resorted to buy an iPod but instead stayed faithful with my Sony Walkman mp3(which is in pink:0 and I am absolutely crazy about up until to this date!) was it has an audio recorder,  which can record the multitude events this questions dropped unto me  from somebody's heavenly mouth.

Much to my dismay, my road to UNsinglehood was not in easy track and I do admit I am bit confused if I should feel bad when asked by those questions.

Even the fish vendor at our village queued " Sa ganda mo na yan, wala ka pa din asawa?!"  Do not fret,  you are not the only one who was surprised, in some quiet times I do ask the same question. :)

I felt somewhat annoyed when SOME uses the physical appearance to correlate intimacy in relationships.If you are pretty, you are obliged to have a partner; people questions you and WORST people would say "siguro maganda lang sya..". I don't know why physical appearance would correlate wether you should have or not a SOMEONE in your life. I find it cruel because in a way, they  meant to say was  that the  NOT-SO BEAUTIFUL can't have a boyfriend or a husband (wala ba karapatan ang di gaano kagandahan na mgkaroon ng lovelife?!)C'mon!I have seen beautiful, confident women who are single but yet they felt they are not lacking on anything!

My dear cousin would always say"..lahat na nasa iyo, boyfriend na lang ang KULANG!".It was as if  my completeness depends on somebody else?I love being alone and doing my alone times like travelling or going to movies. In most of these times,  it felt like it was the most rejuvenating moments of my life..it was something personal that when someone tries to to intervene or ride along; I felt a strong DEPRIVATION of self. How can I be the happy version of me towards you  if I am not happy being alone? 

"Why single ka pa din sa FACEBOOK?" Since the social networking has been a craze, the relationship status of all people (including me:) went havoc.There have been utmost curiosity towards social statuses but never in depth of emotional attachment. 

I have survived the rummage of these questions..  at one point with a quirky smile =) or intellectual analysis of my past mistakes or passive-avoidance on circumstances that might have a sequel or loud sigh with a thought "ewan k nga bakit..."

But I will be honest to you today, " Why am I SINGLE?"....because it was my constant choice. As plainly I can put this: I CHOSE TO BE SINGLE. 

In the matter of why am I choosing to be single, that my dear, I have a lot to say..

I wasn't bad with men, in most times I find myself in situations men get attracted without me being aware of it. I am slow witted in that circumstances.Men loves to give compliments in gifts or words but I prefer what not my ears could hear or my eyes could see. I don't like easy men who get carried away with their emotions. I appreciate the words and the thoughts but I prefer the courtesies that go with these.

Reminder BOYS: Women are not an easy catch!  DO NOT do something that will connote you as EASY, you are not created for that. God sacrificed his only son, Jesus, for you..because you are worth it! Jesus walked carrying that heavy cross because you are worth sacrificing for..not only the HARDWORK but SACRIFICE! I will quote Leo Buscaglia for this, " Sacrifice is ultimate language of LOVE".

Going back =), my point was I never lack admirers and it would be easy to have a boyfriend in my circle if I choose to but yet I choose to be Single. Some may ask : Am I being too selective? NO. I know I am not a perfect person and I am  not looking for a perfect man. It's just that despite of those available men, I just haven't found the guy who would make me fall in love and the one that fits right into who I am as a person. 

So if in case men gets intimated with this, "That guy won't be." I’m waiting on a guy who is deeply in love with Jesus. A real man, a man who knows His God and who follows him to the ends of the Earth. A man willing to “swim against the tide”, as Elisabeth Eliot puts it.

" I’m waiting on a guy who shares the same passions with me, who is as adventurous as I am, crazy, spontaneous, humorous and compassionate and has a heart for missions. "

Sometimes, it’s hard not to play the pity game when people keep telling me that I’m this and that. If I’m what they say I am, then why am I single and why won’t men pursue me? It can be disheartening to know that people have certain expectations of you and yet you’ve just never lived up to it. But when I consider the past mistakes I’ve done in my life with regard to relationships, and when I realize how I was redeemed from those mistakes, I have a strong sense of being in the RIGHT.

I am still waiting..I am near 29 and I have seen wide eyed people who criticise "malapit ka na mawala s kalendaryo!" . To whose calendar should I follow? yours or mine? I have learned the painful strife of following my own calendar and you can never expect me to follow yours ( I am much too bull headed to live in other people's standards.)

I would rather wait on God's timeline and his perfect timing and for that man that he blessed for me. I would rather wait actively than decide to have a boyfriend now just because of pressure or I felt like I am missing out on something. The last thing I need is another mediocre guy because I am not mediocre. And when I get into a relationship, this time I want it to be my LAST.Heartbreaks are such a waste of passion, time, energy. Who wants that? I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t like dating around and testing the waters. I would quote Psalm 37:4 " Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. " He will provide what I need:)

To cut it short:), I am a beautiful, extraordinary woman who is waiting on her handsome, godly and extraordinary man. I haven't met him and he hasn't met me, so that is why I am SINGLE:) But I can't wait  to change that Facebook status!

Pico de Loro, Hamilo Coast

my family and i went to Pico de Loro, Hamilo Coast  on mid April 2012 for the wedding of my cousin. but yet i enjoyed the scenery and the beach:) below are some pictures from the resort